Everyone has an opinion, especially mothers. For some reason moms are the nosiest bunch of people in the world. They think they always have the right answer of how to parent someone else’s children when, lets be honest, we don’t really know what we’re doing with our own.
How many of you have judged another mom at the grocery store who’s kid was throwing a tantrum and thought to yourself “she should do xyz” or “I’d never xyz to my kid”
Mind. Yo. Business.
That brings me to today’s vent. Bug had field day today, and as a member of the PTO committee I needed to be there. Monster’s last day of school was last Thursday so I’ve been coping with that nonsense (the older two still have a week left????) and wondering how I was going to take him to Bug’s school and manage field day.
We got there at 7:15 a.m. and he was fine. Walked around, helped carry bags of balls and water squirters, and even carried a folding table (with help but he got to show off his muscle) . Eight came and he began to get whiny. There were two inflatables in the gym for when the kids were on break and he, like any five year old, wanted to play. I had already asked the principal if he could go on them when his sister got her time and she said sure. The promise of getting to go with Sissy made him excited so he waited. Then the rain came and field day got delayed. He began to grow impatient and completely fall apart. He was crossing his arms, stomping around, and then began a full blown tantrum.
One of the mom’s looked at him and said “it’s no that big of a deal, calm down” . Helpful, lady thanks. We went inside the gym where it was cooler and he began pointing and yelling at the inflatables. I sat him down and got down to his level to tell him that it wasn’t time to go on them yet and that he’d have to wait, however if he calmed down and stopped throwing a fit I would ask the coach if he could just go ahead and go on them. Ten more minutes of fussing and a threat to just go home and miss all the fun later, he calmed down. Coach gave absolutely zero cares if he went on the inflatables so I watched as he played happily. Same mom as before and another lady walked into the gym to get something for the field and both made snide comments about “oh did he get what he wanted?” and “life isn’t fair, they need to learn that”
Ok, listen ladies. My five year old was hanging out alone with a bunch of adults. There’s two gigantic bounce houses, one with Scooby Frickin’ Doo on it, taunting him. It’s eight in the morning and he’s full of energy. Do you expect him to sit there and just wait? It wasn’t fair to him and it wouldn’t be fair to Bug if I just up and left without even telling her I wasn’t going to be at her part of field day (she had graduation practice at a separate location in the morning).
Sure letting kids “get their way” isn’t a good thing, however sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles. You have to understand from the eyes of a child what it’s like.
This goes with most things. One of my biggest pet peeves and something I’ve had to deal with with Bob and other family members, is making a child eat food they don’t like. Monster has a sensitive palate. He used to only eat foods that were white. He wouldn’t eat meat unless it was a chicken nugget. He wouldn’t drink certain drinks. With patience and experimentation his food preferences have grown. The kid still won’t touch a vegetable to save his life and sauce is directly from Satan’s anus, but he eats meat so there’s that. Would you want to be forced to eat something that you absolutely hated and gagged when you tried it? I know I sure don’t.
Same thing with us still co-sleeping. Bob HATES that we still co-sleep with Monster. We have tried putting him in his bed and have used every trick in the book to help him stay in there to no avail. Would you want to be forced to be alone in a dark room, with nothing but a small light, away from those you feel safe with, all the while being absolutely terrified? The thought scares me. I wouldn’t want that.
We, as adults, spend so much time thinking about how kids SHOULD be and not about WHO they are. Kids aren’t perfect. They aren’t little puppets you can pull strings are so they do what you want when they want. They are small humans with their own preferences, their own likes and dislikes, their own views and opinions.
It is our jobs as not only parents but as adults to help them grow but in a way that is adaptable to them. We need to give children a life full of happy, loving memories, not a childhood that they need to recover from.
Having a child sit at the table and cry for an hour because they refuse to eat their dinner harms them. Having a child who is scared to be in their room sit there and scream until they pass out from exhaustion harms them (say no to sleep training your babies, y’all!). Taunting a child with fun activities then taking them away because they get upset and frustrated harms them.
Yes, Monster threw a fit today. Most people would have disciplined more severely, but he ended up calming down and having a better attitude and was able to spend the day playing, making new friends, and spending time with his sister.
THAT is what matters.